December 2, 2013

Called to Serve Him.

Well kids-- this is it. The day has finally come to say goodbye to this beloved blog of mine for a short eighteen months. I've been counting down the days until I would begin my new adventure as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for a very long time (at at times, it felt almost too long). But I am ready; I am ready to be a missionary for this wonderful church-- and more importantly, I am ready to be a representative of our wonderful Father in Heaven.

This isn't the end of my story. In fact, it's just the beginning of a new chapter in life. I have been called forth at this time to serve in the Seoul Korea South mission. I'm both terrified, excited, anxious, and prepared all at once-- fear, however, is a silly thing. For I believe in a God who believes in me. He has offered to help me every step of the way as long as I remember to look to Him for help in and with all things. I am grateful for a Lord who cares enough to allow me to grow. And I am grateful that He loves me enough to pick me up each and every time I fall.

I know without a doubt that this is the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. I know without a doubt that Christ lives and that He will come again. I know without a doubt that His plan leads to true and lasting happiness and I know without a doubt that I want to experience such joy. I have a testimony of our loving Savior, brother, and friend, Jesus Christ. I know of His love because I have felt it time and time again. It's everywhere-- we just have to be willing to recognize it. 

I could not possibly live my life having enjoyed the blessings of this sweet gospel without feeling a sincere desire to share it. I want everyone to know what it is like to have the Holy Spirit as their constant companion; I want everyone to know what it is like to have a knowledge of a Savior, a heavenly being, who loves each and everyone of us personally and unconditionally.

This is my time to dedicate my life completely to Him.
This is my time to learn of His love and to learn of Him on a more intimate level.

I invite all of you to join me in my adventure. This blog may be put on pause but I have created a mission blog that will be updated once a week (every week) for the entire eighteen months that I am away. Come, be a part of my adventure. (And write me letters. I'm really good at writing letters in response...the address is posted on the other blog.)

I want to be able to share this experience with you.

November 29, 2013

six things you should know.

1. What are your biggest social media pet peeves?
I hate when people are anonymously rude. I also hate when people are stupid on facebook. For example, when they talk about politics but don't actually know anything about politics, or people who give a play-by-play of their entire day...every day, and lastly, when people post all their relationship problems for the world to see. I mean, come on. That's what blogs are for. (I typed up that last part smiling because I'm so guilty of blogging about relationship problems.)

2. If someone gave you $100 today, how would you spend it? (Let's just say you can't save it or use it towards bills.)
I'd spend it on clothes. And by clothes, I mean little treasures from various thrift shops. But also I'd buy some tacos. Because we all know how much I love tacos. 

3. Go into your history and make a list of all the things you've Googled in the past 24 hours. (Yes,EVERYTHING).
  • Awful mormon names
  • "k"
  • down syndrome animals
  • Flat-D flatulence odor remedy (Okay, okay. I didn't believe it was a real thing and so I had to do my research on it... I swear).
  • BYU Admissions deferments

4. What is a current trend that you just don't get? 
Dating.

5. What are you currently celebrating? Can be anything- big or small. 
The countdown to when I enter the MTC. (We're currently sitting at 5 days, people). But also just life. I'm celebrating being alive.

6. What are 3 things that you had to learn the hard way?
Well, for starters, I had to learn that the best way to be happy is to just stop worrying about all the little details in life and to just start trusting that God has a plan for you and when you're giving your very best effort, He'll make up for the rest. Secondly, I learned that kissing goes over much nicer when you avoid kissing two boys in one day. Also, avoid kissing the best friend of a former lover. And then avoid kissing the roommate of the former lover's best friend. And lastly, I learned that it's easier to just do what your mother asks of you the first time around rather than waiting for her to ask you about a hundred times. 

November 28, 2013

happy fat day; happy day of thanks.

I fill my room with my favorite things. My closet is full of words (in various forms: books, old, fraying journals, papers I've written and kept, letters from loved ones-- words upon words upon words.) My walls are covered in photographs; a few favorite memories and a few of prints from my favorite shoots. I've got at least five different-smelling candles placed in various locations around the room. Hot pink curtains (which is actually surprising because I've never really been a "pink" girl, but my room has always been hot pink and black.) The Korean flag hangs above my bed. On one wall there is a large, antiqued map with the names of my dear friends written upon it in places all over the world. I have plastic stars on my ceiling. I have crescent moon rug upon my floor. I've got a reading corner with a comfortable little chair and a cute little lamp. I've got a giant whiteboard behind my door that is covered in favorite quotes, odd doodles, and "I love you!" notes scribbled across the white surface. 

When I woke up this morning I realized that I only have a few more days of waking up in a familiar environment. And so I just stayed there and let the reality of everything soak in. And when I took the time to do so, I also realized just how grateful I am for the life I have been given. I am thankful for the upcoming adventure. I am thankful for the adventure that my summer was. (I'll write a book about it eventually-- it deserves one, fo' reals.) I am thankful for the wonderful people in my life. Seriously, Heavenly Father is so good to me. 

Life is wonderful.
And I love it very much.

Happy turkey day!
What are you grateful for?

xo

November 27, 2013

bedhead: less than a week left!

//The days are winding down and my nerves are winding up. I've got all my answers to society's stereotypical questions memorized because they have become a part of every last one of my conversations: "Are you excited?" Oh, yeah! Of course. I'm beyond excited. "Are you nervous?"
Definitely. But I am also grateful for the opportunity to serve.

Come on people, let's skip the obvious questions and jump straight to the good stuff like, "How the freak are you going to speak Korean when you can't even find words to express yourself in English 98% of the time?" It's been decided: I'll have to create gibberish words for Korean too.

//I tried to get on a regular missionary sleeping schedule but that plan flew out the door as soon as I tried to make it happen. Trying to sleep normally doesn't work when you've got a mission on your mind. You end up laying in bed staring at the ceiling and dreaming of how your life will be when you become a missionary and then you stay up really late so waking up early is just out of the question.

//I've got the cutest missionary clothes. Fo' reals tho. I'm actually really excited to dress myself and whatnot. Living out of my suitcase for eighteen months will not be hard at all-- but only because I have a suitcase full of the world's cutest dang clothes.

//Hey, I'm done working. What-what! Yeah, I walked out of work for the last time today and it was seriously THE weirdest feeling. I didn't know how to handle myself so I just walked wide-eyed to my car and drove home really fast so I could sit on my couch with the knowledge that I have completed this working phase of my life and I am now ready to move onto the next.

//I leave in under a week. Is anyone else trippin' about that? No? Just me? Oh... okay kewel. (I LEAVE IN SEVEN DAYS. WHAT THE FLAGNOD IS HAPPENING!?) No big deal or anything, kids. No big deal.

//Hey, so I'll be temporarily retiring this blog in just a matter of days. (Don't fret, I'll be back in eighteen months.) But anyways, I'll be blogging over at my missionary blog so you can find me over there. I'll be the same old, sarcastic, spastic, random, creative self so you can expect all you've expected from this blog and more. (And I say "more" because I'll be learning another language and being an awkward human around a bunch of other people so it should be pretty interesting. I mean, I'm excited, you can be excited with me.) If you missed it the first two times, you can find my missionary blog right......

---------------------> HERE.

//I'll miss your faces and stuff. But you can send me letters. I bought a butt-load of stamps today for my stay at the MTC today. (Enough to write five or more letters a week, to say the least. And I'm going to be there for about eight weeks soo.....) I mean, I'll be perfecting my letter-writing skills and what not, so if that's something you want to partake of, you can find my address/email over on my mission blog. (That's four times, if you haven't gotten the hint by now... well, I'll be disappointed. Let's just leave it at that.) SRSLY though, I'd love to hear from you peeps.

//Um. It's three a.m. and I know that I'm terrible at the whole 10:30 bedtime thing but this is ridiculous and I should at least try and be in bed before three a.m.... I'll do better over the next few days. But maybe not. I mean, YOLO? Anyways, what I'm trying to say here is that I should probably go to sleep now. Because, yeah.

Life is weird and it happens fast so make the moments count!
That's my advice for the day and I'm going to be a missionary.
Missionaries give good advice most of the time, right?
Meh. I'll work on it.

xoxo

November 21, 2013

once upon a time.


They used to cook next to each other in their seventh grade foods class. She was loud and obnoxious and he was somewhat shy and more reserved. But they got along quite nicely because somehow, they always managed to even each other out. And so as the years slipped into the past, their friendship progressed into every new tomorrow. She was on student council, two soccer teams, the track team, and a basketball team. He was on a basketball team, high jumping, playing the piano and doing whatever he enjoyed doing. But as soon as her life slowed down, his sped up. He was a student body officer, on a basketball team and a flag football team, won a man pageant, and flew to Tonga for a super cool service project. But no matter what they did or what they were involved in, they always seemed to find their way back to each other-- and every time they'd share their stories with smiles spread across their faces and hearts full of adoration.

When she'd get in one of her "moods" he's just roll his eyes and pull her into a hug where she'd squirm until she couldn't squirm anymore-- and then she'd bite his arm. He got her a pillowpet for her eighteenth birthday and she cried because it was everything she'd ever wanted. He held her while she left tear stains on his shirts because boys were dumb; he was always really good at knowing what to say and when to say nothing at all. She'd make fun of him for accidentally leaving a forehead mark on the glass of an exhibit at the dinosaur museum because he smashed his face against it and he'd make fun of her for tripping over a bench. They were just a couple of dumb kids who went on a whole bunch of really dumb adventures. 

Now he's in Norway.
And she's going to Korea.

They'll find their way back to each other eventually.
But for now, they will continue to tell their stories through words scribbled onto pages ripped from old notebooks, sarcastic emails that provoke too much laughter, and photographs of their ugly faces and beautiful lives. 

He's my very best friend.
And I miss him very much.

November 19, 2013

"is this real life?"

I don't even know where to start... I could start with the fact that I've officially checked off "farewell talk" from my list of things to do before my mission. I could start with the fact that I had to say goodbye to one of my big brothers tonight-- I won't see him again for nineteen months. I could start with the fact that I leave in a mere fourteen days. I could start with a lot of things, but like I said, I have no idea where I SHOULD start or if I should even start at all. 

Life is weird. I never thought I'd actually get to this point; you know, the point where the countdown starts to feel more real. Like every day spent is one that must be spent well and spent in the company of the people you love the most. December fourth used to seem so far away and now it feels so close that it is literally breathing right down my neck. I can't even believe it. 

My best friends in the mission field write me every single week just to tell me how excited they are for me to join them in the work of the Lord. I honestly can't wait to join them. They're remarkable human beings doing remarkable things and I am more than ready to throw in my two cents as well. Sometimes it's a little scary but I've always been a brave little girl. 

This phase of life isn't the easiest but it's the most worth it. 
I know it, I truly do. It's hard but it's absolutely wonderful.
It's time to wear my biggest, prettiest smile and say, "Bring it on."

November 14, 2013

my mom hates my space pants but whateva.

I work every day from eight to five and when you're nineteen and you're leaving on a mission, working full-time gets really lame really fast. It's the very worst when you walk outside after being locked up within a grey-walled warehouse all day and the sun is trickling through the last-leaves surviving on the almost-barren branches and the sky is humming a lullaby to the earth in splashes of color and you're just like, "Welllllp. I'm sure today was a really beautiful day and I'm only JUST NOW getting to appreciate it." Creative minds sometimes come as a curse, I've decided. I've got creative ADD and it's severely damaging my ability to function like a normal human being. 

I check the mailbox as soon as I get home every single day because I love letters and I love words but most of all, I love love letters full of lovely words. Sometimes life is really super duper confusing and nothing makes sense at all. But I've learned that the pieces always manage to fall exactly where they need to be and in the end, "love conquers all." Call me a sappy romantic, I can handle it. But only because I mean that with all my heart. I think I've got the best love story of all and maybe one day I'll be brave enough share it. 

Today has been one of those, "I'm putting my hair on top of my head and wearing my dinosaur sweatshirt and space pants with warm socks and I'm going to watch Mr. Darcy fall in love with Elizabeth and cuddle with my pillowpet," kind of days. I'm terrible at being a girl because I'm too dang good at being a hobo. I'm not even mad about it. I've always had a peculiar sense of style and my desire to be comfortable always overrides my desire to be socially presentable and so I've just learned to throw up the deuces and roll with it. 

One time a boy was going in for a smooch and I wasn't sure how to handle the situation so I retracted my head into my neck and frantically asked in desperation, "WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I MADE A RAPTOR NOISE RIGHT NOW????" He pulled away slightly and furrowed his brow down at me and I just looked right back up at him, widened my eyes, and screeched. His lips did not meet mine that night. Mission accomplished? I can't even explain myself and the way I handle life. 

This weekend is going to be a big one. Starting with the sister missionary meet at Temple Square and ending with my farewell talk. Um, and everyone is invited to both events, fyi. I want to see your lovely faces there.

Oh hey, 20 days. 
Are you gonna miss me?

xoxo

November 13, 2013

i need to sleep more because oh em gee i'm tired.

//I can't remember the last time I even took a picture with my point-and-shoot camera. But I guess I'd better start whipping that baby out more often because she's gonna be my moment-capturing companion over in Korea. I'm getting in some last-minute practice in kitchens with crazy awesome people and cardboard cutouts of Damon Salvatore at one o'clock in the morning. #premissionarylifeyo (I just hashtagged a blog post. I'm breaking every social networking law right now.)

//As my room gets emptier and emptier my heart becomes fuller and fuller. It's weird to pack up your whole life into a couple of plastic bins just so you can put them on a shelf somewhere to collect dust. What's even weirder is packing up the rest of your life into a few suitcases and preparing to live out of those two suitcases for a period of eighteen months. It all sounds so crazy. I guess it's good that I've always been good at crazy. 

//I ripped my pants tonight. And I totally just pretended like it didn't even happen until I got into Mirae's car. "Um, Mirae, I ripped my pants." And then I sat there while she laughed at me for a solid five minutes. This is my life, guys. And do you want to know the worst part of all? I'm not even mad about it.

//I've kind of made it my own personal goal to play at Velour for open mic night before I leave. That gives me a total of like... two opportunities to make that happen. hahaha. I'm going to be honest, it probably won't happen. But in my dreams it totally would. 

//Buy music from low-key musicians just to see the look on their face when you say, "Hey, can I get a CD from you?" It's a magical moment and every human being should experience that. 

//Hey, guess what. 21 days until go-time.

//Being in Provo brings back way too many memories and I totally wasn't ready to be bombarded by that kind of chaos tonight. But it's okay. I survived. 

I don't even know what life even is anymore.
Hashtag: Get me outa heeya, quick.